Two of my favorite guest post-ers are back from a vacay in Spain and feelin' inspired. Here, Guerrin and Mat show us how to do up our terraces with a fabulous hanging flower pot project. (Gracias, ya'll.)
Guerrin: What’s the worst part about coming home from vacation?
Mat: Coming home from vacation.
G: Ah, the memories...the beaches of
Sitges, the sun and sand--me in my bikini and, Mat, you in yours.
M: I thought that man-kini was a good idea until those Spanish children started heckling me on the beach. Is nowhere safe?
G: For safety purposes, just keep your clothes on for this one.
M: No promises.
G: So let’s get started with our hanging flower pot project--the first step of my terrace makeover...inspired by the colorful seaside homes we saw in Sitges!
M: We’re not starting anything until you throw on that vintage muu muu you overpaid for in Barcelona.
G: Ah yes! The newest addition to my extensive muu muu collection! How could I forget!
(Running out of the room with hands in the air.)M: I’ll get the wine.
What You’ll Need:
- 5 small-medium terracotta pots
- 5 bright potted flowers
- potting soil
- 20 gauge craft wire
- wire cutters
- white gloss spray paint
- acrylic paint (colors of your choice)
- paint brushes
For Added Fun:
- Two bottles of cava. One on hand. One on ice.
- Inappropriate vacation attire
- High-energy summer playlist
(You can borrow ours if you like):
Hike up that muu muu, say goodbye to that mani, hold on to that glass of cava and spray those pots inside and out. Careful of drippies and don’t break a sweat! Now, sit down, enjoy yourself, and wait 10 - 15 minutes for that paint to dry. Got a new joke? This might be the best time to try out that new material.
G: Hey, did you hear about those corduroy pillows?
M: No.
G: They’re making headlines everywhere.
(Both throw their heads back in laughter.)
Ok, enough with the jokes. Pick up the brushes, acrylics, and paint your pots. As you can see from the picture, this time is very serious. You might want to use this moment to have a heart-to-heart with a friend and touch base, emotionally speaking. If uncomfortable with this, simply paint your pots in silence.
While Mat goes with a more literal interpretation of the flower designs on the original pots, Guerrin chooses Gaudi-inspired stripes. To do this, she applies acrylic paint diluted in water over loosely adhered painters tape, to achieve a Modernist effect.
Wrap the wire around the pot, just under the lip. Make sure to wind tightly enough so the pot does not slip out. Give the wire a good twist on the backside of the pot. Snip, leaving approximately 6 inches on each end and use the excess to to affix the pot to your balcony railing. Again, wind tight--and remember, nothing is more startling than the sound of crashing ceramics in the middle of the night.
Fill 1/3 of each pot with the potting soil. Carefully remove the plants from their unsightly plastic container and place them in their fancy new ones. Loosely pack in the soil, filling within an inch of the rim. Now welcome your flowers into their new home! For years, smart people and know-it-alls alike have suggested talking to your plants as a means to benefit their growth. Try breakin’ the ice. Here, Guerrin recites the lyrics to “The Rose” by Bette Midler.
G: Finally done!
M: And it only took us 2 hours!
G: Or only one if you knock out the cava and laughing fits.
M: Aaah, I feel like I’m in Sitges again. Only this time fully clothed.
G: Well, your teeny-weeny ‘kini is always welcome on my terrace.
M: Tell that to your neighbors across the way.
Among other fantastical projects, Mat Sanders and Guerrin Gardner have appeared as Sandy the Dandy and Charlie McGee, which was a critics’ pick in Time Out New York, The Onion, and NYTheatre.com. They’re currently developing a multitude of new comedic ventures, including a monthly comedy variety show and a live-action, highly stylized version of the Dick Van Dyke Show. Meet them now at toomuchery.com.
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